我决定每天都要吃早餐！

我决定每天都要吃早餐，就算没带钱出来！

好忙好忙！忙了整个下午！原本想要写的一些东西都忘记了！干！

好久好久没进厨房了！但是答应了我的书记，在他被confirm时亲手煮蘑菇汤+大蒜面包给她，所以重新踏进了厨房。我对他并没有什么特别的企图，他无疑在我沉闷的工作时间为我增添了不少的笑声，但也只是一般雇主与员工的关系，无他。

在我煮着的时候除了紧张，也有点黯然。。。曾经当我一面准备食材的时候，会有个越帮越忙的人，在跟我抢着煮，煮了之后焦了才甘愿放弃的人。。。虽然有点讨厌但，但大部分时间还是爱着他的人。。。可是这一切都已成为了过去。。。现在的他并不像他原本想象般幸福，但毕竟人家也已经有一个可靠的肩膀了。。。当初是我自己决定不原谅他的过错给她一次教训，现在我也没必要以孤单来惩罚自己。。。可是，想要的对象大多数都心有所属，而我也习惯放弃让他们选择他们想要的幸福，毕竟还没有走的路怎么知道结局是如何？况且是我的终究还是会与我相聚，陪我共度余生。。。

但是要等那对的人出现，身体必须保持健康！除了运动和早睡早起也一定要吃早餐！所以我决定每个早上吃早餐，太阳每天依然在，看到你的同学（朋友/情人）请他要早睡早起！加上吃早餐！

因为身体健康也是一种
Rock & Roll 的 Style！

小公主与我

"No one understands me, They view it as such strange eccentricities, 'Cause I keep kidding around, Like a child, but pardon me"

- Childhood, MJ

有些事情是不能勉强的，有人说感觉是其一，我倒认为命运的安排才是不能勉强的。这是一段落了幕的故事，没有辛酸的眼泪，只有少许的卖醉，以及清醒之后更了解的自己。这是小公主与我的故事。。。

小公主并不（只）是一个人，是命运安排我遇见的一些人，一个类型的人，女人。我总相信，在每个人都会带着一张面具，不管是多真挚的人，面具底下都会有另一个他的存在，可能是一个好人，坏人，可爱的人，现实的人。面具和真正的自己并不需要有很大的落差，有些表面上很好的人，面具底下可能是一个更好的人，只是表面上他不把自己表现得那么好免得受欺负，或惹来怜悯的目光。

我所遇到的小公主表面上都不是小公主，他们表面上都很自立，有些莫名的气质，一种吸引了不只我一个人的气质，最重要的是，他们都很有可能是我所寻找的贤妻良母型的女生。问题是我怎么那么容易把一个人看穿？如果说这是一种天蝎的天赋我宁愿不要！我宁愿沉溺的相信他们是表面的他们，而不是渴望被爱却不想承认的小公主。因为我不使勇士，不是王子，只是浪人，喜欢独来独往，享受孤独极度自我的浪人。我希望找到的是一个当我流浪时耐心等待我归来的女人，一个不需要我答应他会永远在他的身边，但我的心里只会有他的存在的女人。渴望呵护的小公主根本不是我想要的类型。当我发现了之后，我都习惯以极慢的速度，抽身离开，好让自己慢慢的把心情抚平，把伤痛减少到最少，原谅自己又再浪费了自己的时间，原谅自己想太多了。

但是在这个时候，总有一大堆的勇士，谋士，热心的帮我制造机会。我很感谢他们的热心，好意，为了不让他们失望，我惯性的依照他们的剧本演出他们想要看的喜剧，但是我的内心早已准备接受将来临的悲剧，接下来的就是惯性的失踪，逃避他们怜悯的安慰，或者对我无能的取笑。我不怪别人看不穿我的面具，不能了解我真正想要的是什么，因为我也很想知道，哪个才是真正的自己。我拿下了面具，下面又是一层面具，一层层厚薄不一，每一个都是我，每一个都不是真正的我，我矛盾了，我到底是谁？

曾几何时我和我曾经深爱过的女人说过别怪我一直改变，那是因为你真正了解我，善变是我唯一的不变。

Talking about unforgettables...

On this day, this a great man collapse, he is the legend, his life is a drama, his talent is undeniable, his brain is dead before his body and what's overshadowing all his court cases and rumors is his unforgettable dance move, he is.....

MICHAEL JACKSON

As much as I would like to deny, I was one of his fans, whenever he's on TV, I'll glue myself to the TV, he's the one who taught me how to move my body, a great teacher, with a bad student. Although I'm a bad student, you couldn't deny the fact that he is one of the main element for the dance evolution. Especially if you're looking at how Hip Hop, Pop, R&B dances change from simply shaking and jumping around to smoothly move the body part by part. Also MTV changing from looking at the artist singing to MTV at it is today, with storyline, and a hell lot more CG.

Later in his life, he suffer from multiple illness, decease, disorder, court cases and disses. It is sad to see it happening, looking at a bright start dimming. He's moving around like a zombie and the press is taking every chances they can to capture him because his story sells. This very day, his body have had enough of it and decided to put the legend to rest.

However he pass down his legacy, leaving his footsteps in other people's life. We can still see close resemblance of his dance move in today's artists. Although is mind die long ago, and his body die now, his legend lives on, truly unforgettable, truly legendary. Long live the King of Pop!

Forgive but never forget...

To move on you must first learn to forgive yourself, however you must not forget the mistake that have been done and the people that you've hurt.

- lauyeelosophy

Mentally tired
doesn't feel like putting up a whole wall of text,

short phrases
leaving some space for imagination

Friends around me
still haunted by their past
missing the love they had

the warmth of hugs
the romance of kisses

cling hard to the last piece of memory
remain only in their heart

Blaming themselves for not being perfect
for not being caring
for not working hard enough
for taking too much
for being to laid back
for being too controlling
the list goes on
never ending

they couldn't forgive themselves

they cry in loneliness
when nights fall
when no one call
when they are sure
no one will be knocking on their door

continuously torturing themselves
they haunt themselves
they could be going out partying
but inside they are empty
always looking for someone
someone who could
give them the familiar feeling

someone
similar to what they used to had
someone
not me.

slowly they forget
the reason is forgotten
the why they felt sad
all they know is that
they are sad
they need to feel sad
they need to
torture themselves
their heart
their soul
their body
their mind


slowly they forget even who they are
they are lost
in themselves
bury themselves deep in their memory


some of them I wish to help
but I can only help them
if they help themselves
.
.
.
.
.

爱情是没有答案，没有谁对谁错，只有爱与不爱...

爱情是没有答案，没有谁对谁错，只有爱与不爱... -文滴露

好羡慕那些可以爱得轰轰烈烈，哭干了眼泪都还不放手的人。曾经有人说我太现实了，但很好笑的是也有人说我整天活在自己的世界里面。可能我就只想用现实的一面把自己的另一个世界掩饰起来，不让人家侵犯，因为在我的世界我是自由的，我是开心的，但也是寂寞的。

上帝依照自己的模样，用尘埃制造男人，用了男人的肋骨制造出女人，好让这个男人的世界不再寂寞，但是我制造自己的世界时只有我的存在。。。曾经闯进我的世界的人不多也不算少，但真正住进了我的世界的就只有一个，一个一住就住了五年的人。他把色彩带进我的世界，把黑灰的世界变得七彩缤纷，但是在他离开前，慢慢的把色彩一个一个抽掉，只留下蓝色。。。

我就在这样的世界里慢慢把剩余的色泽调配，但都找不回温暖的颜色，对我而言谁对谁错已经不再重要了，因为就算我对了那失去的颜色也不会回来，就算是回来了和可能已经混浊了。也就这样我找到了我自己的答案，我把我的世界遗留在心底，就只有寂静的夜里，没人注意到的时候才回到我的世界，享受我的自由，享受我的快乐。我也开始明白从自己的角度看，自己永远是犯过了错的人，而他也很明白他本身也并非没错。因为爱，原谅是容易的，因为理智，忘记是不可能的，原谅了又忘不了，只会苦了自己，因此我不爱了，不原谅了，所以忘了。

渐渐的已经不再对爱由熟悉感，就像现在就算遇到再鲜艳的颜色也不敢把他归纳进自己的世界，就算很想很想拥有的温暖的色彩我也只会默默欣赏，默默地耕耘希望有一天他发现我的世界，默默地希望有一天他会住进我的世界，从新把色彩唤醒。只可惜他并不知道/不在意/不希望期待的人是我。。。

感动。心动。行动。心痛。失控

让一个人感动未必会让那个人心动。就算是心动了未必会有任何的行动
或者那行动并非所要时失恋的心痛。那种心痛让人流泪又让人情绪失控

我不想得到这样的结果，真的，像赤壁2小乔为曹操泡茶时说的那句话一样说的：“丞相装着满满的心来到赤壁，会有人帮你倒空的。”我不想再回到只有身壳没有心灵的时期，那种灰灰阴阴，皮笑肉不笑，只为了让人觉得我真的没事的日子并不好受。我试着去爱，却没有人肯收留一颗残缺的心，感觉不对，是再熟悉不过的理由。

对自己有好感的女生很好的男生多得是，而对那个女生好的人往往不止一个人。这时候一个有时幽默有时拽拽的，有点坏的男生闯入了那女生的圈子，那种“特别”的“气质”吸引住了那女生。这就是感觉？那难怪我吸引到的都不是我想要的，毕竟我只会对我没兴趣的女生那个样子。其实我也不想爱得太理性但是我不想因为一时的感性，冲动又让大家都心痛。。。

WhEN? alreaDY?

Sometime you just won't realize when it happen or how it happen until it already happen.... Let me just say that since after this line I'll be typing with my slim consciousness and whatever blurt out right here are from what I've been through in the past 24 hours.... and I'll be typing it without looking at it...
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ahh what a tiring day... seriously.... I'm exhausted... I do wish to live a simple live but then again, it's never really something that's easily obtainable... eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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+6

}

and dammn the part that I quoted was what I typed.... and now it's 4 hours later in 1pm... hmmm... where were my thoughts when I started this note, oh ya, life... Sometimes I just find it funnily cruel, interestingly boring... The funny thing that's happening right now is that a friend of mine is trying his best to persuade me to tackle/woo/court (whatever you want to call the action of one guy openly admit his affection towards another girl) not long ago, and he succeeded, or should I say, even without him, I'm planning to do so anyway, yes I like her even before he push it, just that I hate to admit it...

then come the cruel part... I am a man with no game, some call this kind of guys the lame man, in general, I don't know what to say when we're together, I don't know how to probe further when I have a chance to be with her, I don't knonw anything about starting up a relationship, yes, I'm nervous. Come to think of it, this isn't the first time I've met someone I like, definitely not, and times after times, I failed to do what I should do, I don't know what are the weapons that is under my aresenal. Aside from that, I was a sales person, (still is I guess, since we never stop selling ideas, time or skills) I'm taught/experienced to tell what one think through their replies and body language, from her's it's telling me that she wanted some attention, mine not included, or so I think, some said it's a lot easier to let you heart lead the way, I did that, broke two hearts in the end, so no, I'm gonna be logical and that always fails me.

It's funny to write something hoping that someone sees it, and cruel to know that if that someone sees it it's gonna make the matter worse, it's always interesting to manupulate words and bring out the meaning from another angle, much like a photographer I guess but on a much cheaper scale, and it get boring when your vocabulary is limited and not much people can really understand what you're writting.

And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

Ironic - ALANIS MORISSETTE