Disconnecting myself with the world (again)

我决定不醉了 也决定不浦了 就算下一秒孤独这一秒是清醒的 曾经交心就非常值得我要专注赚钱不想别的没有忐忑

-改自 周华健：“有故事的人”

I've been looking back at my life up to this point a lot recently, and I couldn't believe my own stupidity, the way I wasted my time and money to get myself wasted. At age of 25, I don't have the luxury of time to continue living like this. Being optimistic, I would be forced into larger commitment, home loans, car loan, larger phone bills, misc home expenses, and maybe a wife (who knows if it would be a husband). As I again and again repeat my main priority now should be my career, but at times (which is most of the time) I'm lost, not knowing what to do next, and I doubt if I'm really a person who can run a business successfully.

Not to boast but I do believe that I am smart enough to survive in the business world, but I often sway off my main focus, and find cheap excuses like lack of resources, lack of motivation, lack of this and that, which are all problems that I should solve because I should be responsible for it. Seriously I think those who often say that "I wish I could take up more responsible" or "I'm ready for more challenge" have no idea what they are wishing for. When you're forced to move away from your comfort zone inch by inch each day, it ain't something fun.

However,

IT'S MY LIFE!

I've been chosen by my life to be who I am now.

I have no other choice but to strive and do my best not to disappoint those who look up on me. Hopefully one day like Jovi said Frankie said, "I did it my way!" Can't complain that my life is hard since I've seen people who need to go through a lot worse, can't say that I'm having a good life either since I'm constantly around people who are luckily rich. Don't ask me why do I need to compare myself to others, don't give me bullshit that you don't need to. In this competitive world, everything is limited, we instinctively fight to survive. We fight our enemies, our friends and a lot of the time, ourselves, our old self, our evil self, our kind self , we fend them off to make a decision that we should make, to live the life that we think we should live in. I might not always win, but I will make sure that I will not lose either!